I ought to say a thing or two about Helper. There are not so many immarginable objects in my life.
I met it while I was back at Summerlock, just before I left to come here. The usual thing is for to meet our helpers before we leave. Just to get used to each other. It’s a good idea. I had some role to play in getting Helper assigned to me but it was not anything huge.
Helper is not like the rest. It was not made a helper. It was a HKd – Hunter-Killer drone – made for Millan/Tofael. It’s as high up as you can go without being a Descendant. At least that’s what I think. But something was wrong with Helper because once it got to Millan it became clear that it wasn’t so much into the hunting and killing. It had not fucked up. But it had not been quite as into it as a HKd might have been. When I first met it it had the designation of GHKd – Guard-Hunter-Killer drone. It was a designation made up for its personality type. I had asked it about that designation because I had not seen it before. It told me that there were only three others like it that it knew.
“We’re problematic,” it had said.
“What was it like?” I had asked.
“Being of my type?” it had said.
“Nothing much happened.”
I don’t think Millan/Torfael was the kind of campaign where nothing much happened but I’ve not asked again. Maybe that all that happened to Helper was that it got a boring observation post and was made to stay out of the way.
Helper had figured something out during Millan/Torfael and after it ended it asked Petr. if a civilian role was possible, and Petr. spoke to QC, and QC asked Summerlock, and Summerlock said it knew of a research role where it would be useful, and I went to meet it, and shortly after that Helper stopped being GHKd and became a helper – and then Helper.
Helper shows its military heritage. It’s not pretty. Or it is, but not in that way. You could say it’s elegant. You take time to get familiar with it and then you can see what it is about. It’s a flat metal rectangle about half my height. It is usually featureless and dully reflective but there’s a small notch in one of its corners that it never got repaired. (“No need,” it said, when I asked about why it had not asked for one.)
Once I described Helper as “minimalist” and it had overheard. I suppose an ex-GHKd overhears a lot. It told me it preferred to be described as “intimately brutalist”. It’s got a sense of humour. It’s not always up here, but it’s usually there somewhere.
But it’s a good description. Helper has taken on civilian trappings well. Helper does not, properly speaking, have a front or a back – or a up, or a down. But when it’s speaking it turns around to face you. The little notch is on the upper left of its front side. That’s how I think of it now. Front. As far as I can tell that is how Helper thinks of it too.
I just mentioned Helper talking. It told me once that when it was a GHKd it had never spoken once. But now it’s dealing with people and it must have needed at some point to choose a voice. I’ve met people from outside the Kingdom and what they always say is that they don’t expect AIs to sound they way they do. All AIs sound like us. They sound like perfectly normal human beings. If you didn’t look at one you couldn’t tell. Obviously a voice with little inflection is easier to synthesise, and an AI could choose that kind of voice. But none of them do. Why would they do that? That would be entirely beside the point of a voice. Helper has a male voice. O. once (accidentally, I think) referred to Helper as he and Helper did not seem to mind. It’s one of those low but sharp voices. It’s businesslike but you can hear each individual vibration in the words sometimes, like Helper is speaking in undertone to someone nearby.
None of which is to say Helper is just a helper. Its field capacity is clearly well beyond what is needed for tracking + tagging + rescuing me if things go wrong. I don’t think there are any threats on Tokata that require handling by a GHKd. While most helpers use fields + AG to get around Helper can move around very fast without them. It dissembles into articulated blocks and can pendulate or amble or cartwheel around. It’s very shocking to see actually happening. The entire thing looks like maths made real. But of course most of the time I see Helper it’s asleep in one corner. I’ve grown used to that sense of mass in my study.
Thought: QC + Petr. must have considered just killing Helper after M/T. It wouldn’t have minded. Not good to have something that dangerous zipping around where it might be caught and used. But I suppose it appeared unlikely that Helper and I would try to conquer some country somewhere outside the Kingdom. Helper carries no more missiles etc but it hasn’t been fully stripped out. Not properly defanged. Neither did it ask to have its personality changed.
I’m thinking of helper because today something happened with Helper. Everyday things happen with Helper but this can be put apart. It returned in the morning having spent the night over the Berents. It went and put the samples in the Store and then came back in.
Helper does not start conversations. But Helper said, “Would you actually stay?”
I did not know for a moment what Helper was talking about. But then I remembered that I might have told Helper about what O. had said.
“You mean – if Ogford decided to stay?”
“Yeah. Would you wait for the next party? Or would you want to be here forever?”
“I don’t think I would stay. We’ve not been here long, you know. We ought to wait.”
“Do you think things will be very much different from this? What we’re doing now?”
“We’ve not started on the Excursions yet.”
“Yes, but you know what I mean.”
I was getting surprised. Helper was really going at it.
“I don’t know, Helper. Are you worried about something?”
“I’m not worried.”
“You must have gotten used to spending long periods more or less alone, surely. All that time on Miller/Torfaen –”
And then Helper interrupted me. This was very strange. It’s very patient with me, usually. Which is not to say that it interrupted me in an impatient manner or anything like that. But I got the sense that it needed to say something. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen Helper act like it needed to say something.
“If you decide to stay, you need to know that I’ll be staying with you.”
That was obvious, I thought. I couldn’t get another helper, surely.
“Obviously,” I said.
It did not say anything and went out again. Then after an hour or so it came back in and it said, “You’d be quite useless without me, I’d have you know.”
“—and Skeffie does not even like going out. So I’m staying.”
“I’d love for you to stay,” I said. “I didn’t expect anything else.”
“You’re a bit paranoid about this, you know.”
Helper sighed. “Mock the ex-guard-hunter-killer. Mock the sad old slab.”
I laughed again and slapped Helper on the side. It tilted over to mime looking at where I had hit it.
“There was something at the bridge,” it said.
“What?” I said.
“Something came up the road all the way to the bridge.”
It is not at all like Helper for it to be vague.
“Was someone coming to visit? They should have told me.”
“What was it?”
“I couldn’t tell. I was far off.”
“That might have been the issue. I could not see it properly. But something was there.”
“You could not see it properly?”
“It might be a malfunction.” I was not sure if Helper was joking.
“What was it like?”
Helper stopped for a while here. “Well, it was alive and moving. It was dark. It came up to the bridge and stopped there. I’ll show you.”
It wasn’t lying. It was a dark blur thing, a longish thing. It seemed to see Helper coming and craned its neck to look up. Then it leapt up into the air and was gone.
“I should go and take a look,” I said.
“I already did,” Helper said. “There is nothing there.”
“Nonetheless,” I said.
Helper waited again. “I’ll go with you,” Helper said. “We can leave tomorrow morning.”
Right now I have about 9 hours or so before I’ll have to leave. But I’m mostly thinking about Helper. I know that Helper is broken, in way. It is not a Descendant. It was made with a purpose. It was made with a set of desires and it was complete at that moment. It cannot escape that. But something has changed, hasn’t it? I can’t lie to myself about it. From here I can see Helper naked and the sum of all its wants has become something with a growing edge to it, something dangerous.
That’s the word I ought to use, isn’t it? Look at it. It’s pathetic, really: dangerous. Sooner or later I will have to tell Helper what I have done to it. What I have done is a kindness.
Well. I do not have to tell Helper. But I’d feel awful about it otherwise.
 Of all the colleges Summerlock produces the largest number of field researchers.
 So HKds are more or less indestructible. Must have been something pretty awful that gave it that notch.
 I’ve noticed that when Helper is feeling pleased (because it’s gotten a lot of work done, for example) it refers to itself as slab, as in: “Slab on way back”; “Slab 2ks South”; “I don’t know what you’d ever do without your Slab.”
 Typical redundancy for its type, I would presume. All kinds of things in war might make AG fail.